physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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