I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
