Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
