Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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