I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
