I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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