i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
