they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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