I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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