remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
