My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
