can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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