Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
