where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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