got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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