They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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