Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
