Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
