Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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