My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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