Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
