I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
