I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
