I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
