I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
