chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
