you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
