So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
