my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hippo gnu deer
We just shotgunned beers for America
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
