You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
