I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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