everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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