I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
