two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
