I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
