rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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