yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you would pick up someone in the library
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Let's paint friendship bongs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
