lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
