when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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