He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
