God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
