Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
