update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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