Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
