And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
