I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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