Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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