Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
