So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
