"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
