"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
