Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She is in my trunk
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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