if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
