He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
