I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
