at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
