so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
