He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
